It is obvious when deciding to write a blog that you open yourself up to critics of all kinds, both positive and negative. But after my last blog post one woman’s comment stood out (thanks Lady!). She said that I was infantilizing myself by referring to my adult self as a girl.
I had to wonder, what is wrong with being a girl at any age? I know some of the most amazing girls who are strong determined and making things happen. They are the ones who are dreaming and planning the impossible. There are girls waging new fights we haven’t heard of, while there are woman who perceive Beyonce as a feminist icon. (Seriously she married Jay-Z, is she one of his 99 problems? Oops, nope a bitch ain’t one). They are not accepting of their faults and fears expecting to live up to standards they have not set themselves, with the goal of trying to recapture what it felt like to be a girl.
I think back to my childhood and myself as a girl and the courage I had to build in order to walk down the street, where I was bullied for being “funny looking”. One day, a boy slightly older than me jumped me pinned me to the ground and hit me with a brick, and he ended up in the hospital with stitches, I am still that girl!
As a girl, I learned that while growing up in a house rife with domestic violence, that, Love is simply not enough. I discovered what I should never accept in life from a lover… I am still that girl!
A girlwho dreams and still believes despite that all of the challenges I can still make the impossible possible.
Growing up I never wanted to live in my small town, it never felt like home and I promised I would live 3000 miles away. And now, here I am 2,608 miles away from my home state; with the potential of going further. The girl I am is always dreaming.
It was the girl in me that chose a dream of a different life. To put aside fears and society’s expectations of how a woman of my age should live. It is what has led me here with you today.
Why do I ever have to give up the girl in me because more than 20 years ago now, one day I was declared a woman. Involuntary hemorrhage was the sole indicator that womanhood had officially occurred. Gaining the ability to drop another human being from my crotch is all that had to happen. (Welcome to womanhood, here is your introductory tampon and a pamphlet on how everything is your fault.)
When the girl in me woke up after years of sitting in corporate offices and putting value in my social status. It was the women who I know that cautioned that my dreams were simply a midlife crisis. (I mean what would Beyonce do?)
But it was the girls, and more importantly MY Girls who offered love and support. While they agreed that some ideas are crazy, those same ideas can lead you to newer and greater paths. And if not, you can always come back… and my girls would have me as they always would. In fact, when you are at your best its your GIRLSyou call to share that joy. It is your GIRLS that comfort you in the weak moments, and understand the dreams that led you to those instances. If you don’t have any girls, it is my opinion you are missing out.
I love being one of the girls, the dreamers (delusional ones), the risk takers (crazy ones) the lovers (passionate ones). I wouldn’t want to live any other way.
If you need to be reminded about what it feels like to be a girl. It’s the freedom of being braless in public, or wearing that thing you want to where someplace you shouldn’t wear it because it feels good. You will find me doing just that. If you ever meet me I am the one laughing too loudly and drinking too much. I likely said the one thing everyone was thinking, but afraid to say.
I am that girl singing my favorite song that happened to play while sitting at the bar. I am that girl having a dance party on her own at home; because I want to dance with someone who loves me. (Yeah, I said it).
If you don’t have any girls in your life, I feel bad for you son! (See more Beyonce/ Jay-Z for you).
But if you ever want to hang and be one of us, feel free to holla at ya girl!